how long?

i dont know whats happening these days
i feel up one day then the next day
the smallest thing happens and i see my self falling down
i guess after the last few years and everything thats happened
it's expected right

im meant to have a down day every once in awhile

atleast thats what dad says
but it seems like the bullshit never ends
and instead of it all getting better it stops for abit then starts up
im so sick of it
im sick of everytime someone brings up francine
i see the look in dads eyes
hurt&&lonlieness
then the look he gives me
blame
i was the blame for his failed marriage
the reason he cant see his 6 year old daughter and tell the one woman hes ever loved how much he cares about her
my fault
argh
but there is some things to look forward to
im actually enjoying school
i may not be doing as well as i wish but i know if i try i will do better
i have the most amazing guy in my life
ive barely known him a month and i feel like can tell him anything
and he wont judge me
just last night i felt like shit
and he managed to make me feel better
hes amazing and i fell blessed to have him in my life

next year if i pass ncea level one im moving to christchurch
im soo excited
im wondering whether to do year 12&&year 13
i doubt ill pass level 2&3
but its worth a try

you've just gotta give it a try (: